Everyone can spot a huge romantic gesture. It has bells, whistles, applause. It is almost like a theatre show. It looks like a tux or a party dress.
Not everyone sees the small, even tiny, romantic acts and expressions that can total up to be far more important than those big gestures. It presents itself looking more like work boots and a bad hair day. Sometimes we have to train ourselves to notice these things.
The Definition of Romance
First, I think it is interesting to look at the definition of romance and romantic. These are some entries from Dictionary.com
Romance, noun: a baseless, made-up story, usually full of exaggeration or fanciful invention.
Romance, verb: to treat with ardor or chivalrousness.
Romantic, adjective: fanciful; impractical; unrealistic:
Romantic, adjective: displaying or expressing love or strong affection.
Isn’t it interesting that the definitions are contradictory of each other? Yet, if we take a deeper look they all apply.
Romance, the noun, is like those big gestures. There are days when we (both women and men) all want to be put on a pedestal, and those gestures do that for us. It is definitely an example of the first adjective: fanciful; impractical; unrealistic. We can’t keep it up on a daily basis and even if we did we would have to go bigger and bigger to make it an even bigger gesture, therefore creating insatiability.
Being romantic as in displaying or expressing love or strong affection is something that can be on going. It can be maintained. I would like to assert that it is more important than any grand gesture. Now, I’m not saying grand gestures aren’t welcomed or allowed. I am not suggesting we cancel the holy grail of romance- Valentine’s day- but maybe we should be focusing on displaying or expressing love or strong affection the other 364 days.
More importantly, do we recognize romance when it looks like it is dressed in work boots? Are we appreciating that romance? Are we inconveniencing ourselves enough to offer that kind of romance? After all, it is easier to plan something big on an occasional basis than to incorporate it in to your day to day life.
What Romance Looks Like Wearing Work Boots
When romance is wearing work boots you have to look a little more closely to spot it, it may look like this:
- Being a sounding board when the other is working through something unpleasant in their life or holding their hand quietly while they work through it in their head
- Taking something off their to do list to lighten the load
- Working overtime to help finances
- Offering a compliment
- Giving your full attention
- Participating in something we would rather not
- Going on really boring errands just to spend time together
- Fixing something that got broke
- Letting someone rest
- Making a favorite meal
- Thanking them
- Letting them know you are thinking of them
- Talking nicely behind their back
- Being loyal
- Noticing and remembering their likes and dislikes
- Watching THEIR show on Netflix (or handing over the remote)
(P.S. This is NOT a gender specific list…it applies to everyone)
Why This Is Important
Men and women alike want to be special when it comes to love. While the big romantic gesture is fun, the little ones are what are really going to sustain us.
This is actually most vital in committed relationships, when you think you have found “the one”, or longer relationships (talk to anyone who has been married for more than a decade).
I have a yard stick that I use to measure the state of ‘romance’ or my level of specialness in my marriage (still having fun 29 years in). Wherever I am, at any given time, I simply answer this question: Is there anyone more loved and cherished than me? If I answer no, then things are on track. I also make it my goal that the Mister answers the same way. I put on my work boots to make sure that happens.
There is absolutely nothing more romantic than being number one to somebody who is number one to you.
Photo credit: Lishmay
What does Romance dressed in work boots look like to you?